I Haz Disappointed

I haz big big disappointment in Carmen Hor and Kua Siang Er....and myself.

Help Kyle Please =D

I have a wonderful friend named Kyle Sui Yee Khai. I've known him since the first year of secondary school in Sekolah Menengah Kebangsaan Seri Mutiara until to this day =D

One day he just passed out after a drinking session on Saturday night. After rushing to the Subang Medical Center, we just found out he has a very, very rare yet frightening disease.

Its sad to know the fact that this fella above, with a bright future ahead for him, has a disease that decides whether he'll live on to see another tomorrow, or die a virgin and leave the harsh reality on Earth.

Damn it....he was so full of life before he collapsed at the car park. He was doing all sorts of kiddish-like poses, for example this one =D

It was 10:23 p.m when Kyle then passed out and lied down on the parking spot for the disabled. We thought he was just fooling around but after a few seconds later we noticed him mumbling all sorts of non-sense, foam coming out from his mouth, and his eyes were reddish.

The doctor that attended to Kyle told me and Jethro, that Kyle is currently suffering a disease which the first time he has ever discovered. Thus this new medical condition will be named after him and the last alcohol he consumed, Carlsberg. This new medical condition is called....


"The Post-Kylesberg Syndrome"

Its actually Kyle after drinking too much of Carlsberg =/

Fellow readers I need your help alot, for every 'like' for this picture at my Facebook album, RM 1 will be contributed to funding his medical bill. The bill alone cost RM 10,000. This is just the operation bill alone, not to forget the therapy treatment, aftercare medicines and etc. will be needed too.

So please....help me =D

Click here, and then 'like' it =)

My First Masterpiece

Black ink and a branch as a brush, wala!! Art =)

RM 30K starting price, highest bidder gets the masterpiece and a packet of nasi lemak ayam XD

Wendy's "Made" My Day

Was having Creative Thinking group discussion at Wendy's. I love Wendy's burger, the chicken nuggets, the floats, milkshakes, frosty's and so on. But what I dislike about Wendy's today is that they played Justin Bieber's "Baby". My group was staring at me the minute Justin went "Woaaahhh oh..."

And I went out of Wendy's, sat down on the sidewalks and waited for that damn song to finish before I get back to discussion.

This is how much I dislike that Canadian kiddo XD

And one classmate of mine went and commented that my hairstyle is exactly the same as Justin Bieber, and said that I was gay infront the rest of the classmates.

"If I happened to be gay, at least I ain't a faggot like you."

=)

Sorry PDRM Tersilap Sapu

LOL!!! After stealing a high rank police officer's Perdana V6, thought it was some average Joe's ride until newspapers published the news. Well, at least they had a heart to give it back and then took the time to write an apology letter. How adorable :D

Douche Moment

I was driving out of college after basketball, was following this Perodua Viva. I wasn't tailgating him. Was outside Oldtown, then suddenly the Viva stopped.....and reversed.

Before I can horn and reverse quickly....BANG!!!

I was like.....WHAT THE FUCK LAH WEIH?! Dad just bought the Vios a few months back and now kena major kiss!!

I remained calm, its the 2nd accident I've been involved this month. And the last one was my fault, this one was the other driver's fault.

I remained calm, parked the car at one side and then got out of the car in a mentally stable condition. (I have a very very bad temper when shit happens to me). Then, the driver and his GF came out of the Viva, shocked.

Me : Bro, you ok ah?

(Note : My 'are you ok?' in this situation is 'what the fuck were you thinking?!')

Driver 1 : Erm, sorry sorry just now I tak nampak kereta you.

The Viva's rear windows were tinted quite heavily. If his tint wasn't that dark, he would have clear visibility over my car.

Me : Why you reverse? Didn't you see me at the back of you ah?

Driver : Sorry I last minute cari parking.

Me : Sigh.....

(At this time, I wanted to call my parents but my phone died. Bloody Nokia battery)

As I was looking at the damage, which is just minor paint loss and no dents at all....an inner voice then appeared.

"Daniel, chill lah bro, relax!!! its just a small damage, see that paint loss? Not even a millimeter lah bro. Look at that fella, he's already shaking and starting to sweat while his awek apologizing to you like gila-gila. Relax.....RM 50-80 can recover the damage. Just let it be, its ok. Let him off the hook."

I don't know what the hell but I decided to forgive and forget, shook hands with him and told him....

"Shit happens lah don't worry, next time be more careful lah ok? I'll deal with it."

And while I was on the federal highway...

"You actually believe what I said ah? Dude I was high on the 100 Plus tangerine drink lah after a tiring basketball game. Oh my gosh you douche, you could have claimed RM 100-250 to repaint the whole bumper!!"

"Screw you, I'm so not listening to you anymore!!"

And that is when my evening was fucked big time ='( And kena lectured by parents.

"The Vios I buy to get scratch and bang ah?!" - Dad.

Photoshop Effect : Superimpose

"*opens mouth* ahhh............."

"Heeeeeeelp!!!! Eeiikkk!!!"

Daniel 1 : "Google......Maria Ozawa!!!"
Daniel 2 : "Hmmm Dan what cha doing now? O.o?"

DM is Pokemon

I rock your world....KAW KAW!!

PokeCars

Ever wonder in a distant future we're able to store our cars and able to carry it along, portable and user friendly. It saves parking space (I think parking lots will be a thing of a past) and you'll always think of different poses and styles to call your car out.

Inspired by Pokemon, idea originally from me. PokeCars XD

Seatbelt?

Hmmmm....Kyle, what happened to the seatbelt?

Oh shit, its a Myvi, what do you expect? XD

A Star On Your Head.....

LOL, I'm not sure how many of ya'll are into the current Hip Hop scene. I don't know why celebrities these days are getting ridiculous every day. Take Birdman for example. Founder of Cash Money Records, one half of Big Tymers, and a 'daddy' to Lil Wayne.

Birdman, like Lil Wayne and The Game, is known for their music and also their tattoos on every part of their body.

Fear God.

Misunderstood.

First it was a butterfly, had a L.A letters covering it, and now a star.

Birdman, 41 years old this year, still rapping and still getting a tattoo. And what a great way to waste your money by getting a huge orange start on your bald head =.=

Maybe pigeons have a new target practice now...... XD

My Mum Is My Dad

Ok my dear readers, noticed anything strange (apart from the cencored IC numbers and birth cert. numbers)

Hmmm....no?

What about this one?

C'mon, you all smart kan? Generasi hebat mah......right? Riiiight?
=.='' fine.....

Nama bapa/Penjaga : Lucy Leong Yoke Mui (mak aku)

Sigh, I tell you my Sijil Berhenti Sekolah from the school is so pathetic, you wouldn't believe it at all.

At least.......Kelakuan, BAIK :D

1st day of SPM

Nov 18 2009 8:25 p.m

Daniel Mark is now deleting Bahasa Melayu tatabahasa, simpulan bahasa, peribahasa, imbuhan, kata adjektif, kata nama am dan khas, frasa kata, komsas, sajak, puisi, cerpen, ringkasan, rumusan from his precious brain.

Ahhhhhhh..............................feeling awesome now.


Saya sekarang lupa menutur, menulis, membaca dan mengeja apa-apa perkataan Bahasa Melayu
(I now forgot how to speak, write, read and spell any words in Malay language.)

Kesimpulannya, Bahasa Melayu kini tidak lagi wujud dalam otak saya.
(Bottomline, the Malay language doesn't exist in my brain now.)

Tahniah Daniel Mak Yeng Hong, anda berjaya menghapuskan bahasa rasmi tanah air daripada otak cergas anda :D
(Congratulations Daniel Mak Yeng Hong, you have successfully wiped out our country's national language from your healthy brain :D )

WHO ARE YOU?!!

Favourite lines

1) "Tunggu......tuuuuunnggu!!!"
2) "How I know? Maybe he bluff you? Maybe you ugly?"
3) "Who are you?! You call people on the phone and ask who are you?!"
4) "Not meeting....MASSAGE!! No not message, MASSAGE!!! Where the girl pour the oil and rub the backside, play with the cock MAASAAGGE!!!!"
5) "KC tak da senang. Dia tak da senang...DIA TAK DA SENANG!!!"
6) "Hooi Melayu tunggu ah!!"
7) "Eh how I know? You depend lah how long they play with his john (cock)"
8) "Oi you apa main datuk besar?! Saya ada datuk dan nenek!"
9) "TUUUUNNGGGUUUU!! Kalau lu Tan Sri saya kasi tunggu tapi you Datuk you tunggu!!"
10) "Ah what message? You going to break his balls ah? Mrs T.K ah can I tell you one thing ah...YOUR HUSBAND GOT NO BALLS!! Elek Elek ELEK!! Hah? No, actually you got the balls!! Because your mother got balls!!"

Oh gosh, I laugh until I cry. He's better than Russell Peters alright :D

Fingers Crying

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*i got a feeling

*whooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooohh
*that tonights gonna be a good night
*that tonight's gonna be a good good night

WENYI ♥ says:
*RAWKS WEHHH!!

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*I gotta feeling

WENYI ♥ says:
*i love that song!

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH
*That tonight's gonna be a good night
*that tonights gonna be a good good niiight
*lets burn the roof'
*and they we'll do it again
*lets do it
*lets do it
*lets do it do it do i
*8it

WENYI ♥ says:
*lols..
*i tot you listening You?

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*I know that we'll have a bomb
*if we get down and just loose it all
**forgot lyrics
*wait ah...

WENYI ♥ says:
*not bomb lah, is ball =x

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*wait itu fergie nyanyi dulu
*sekarang Will I Am
**wait.....
*......
*........
*...........
*I know that we;ll have a ball
*erm...
*wah she too fast
*che che che che
*fill up my cup
*mosetov
*lets paint the town
*we'll shut it down
*lets burn the roof
*and then we'll do it again
*lets do it

WENYI ♥ says:
*yahh LOL

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*lets do it
*lets do it do it do it
*AAARRGGHHHH
*um dim

WENYI ♥ says:
*start all over again jor

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*noooo
*fingers crying

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*I GOT MY MONEY (PAID
*Fill up my cup
*the himes
*look at her dancing
*just take it off
*and then we'll do it again
*lets do it
*do it X%
*X5
*HERE WE COME HERE WE GO
*WE GOT A ROCK
*NOW WE ON TOP
*give up
*Monday
*tuesday
*wednesday
*thursday
*frieday

WENYI ♥ says:
*very fast weh you~
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*saturday
*sunday
*u knwo what we say
*paryt everyday
*I gotta feeling

WENYI ♥ says:
*party everyday!

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*ytjhat tonights gonna me a good night x6
*WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OH
*THAT TONITES GONNA BE A GOOD NIGHT
*GOOD GOOD NIGHT
*WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OHHHH
*yessss!!!

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL cool lah weh
*ur fingers work so fast..

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*waaiit
*I wanna
*I never thought that i was so blind
*I can finally see the truth
*its me for u
*and I
*never imagine I'm by yr side
*too far for u
*and hear me say
*dont throw me away
*there's no way out
*I' gootaaa hold u somehow
*I wanna I wanan touch u
*U wanna touch me too
*everyway and when they set me free
*just put yr hands on me
*take everyth............urrgghh skip
**wait...
*I wanna I wanna touch you
*u wanna touch me troo
*everyday all i have is time
*our love a perfect crime
*everyway and when they set me free
*just put yr hands on me

WENYI ♥ says:
*lols..
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*what song u nak saya type?
*do u know what's worth fighting for

WENYI ♥ says:
*21 guns!
*cool weh~
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*when its not worth dying for
*does it take yr breath away
*and u feel yrself suffercating
*does the pain ????
*and u look for a place to hide
*did someone break yr heart inside

WENYI ♥ says:
*....weigh out the prise
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*yr in ruins
*1
*21 GUNS
*lay down yr hands give up the fight
*one 21 guns
*throw up yr hands
*into the sky
*u and I
*ahhhhhhhh ahhhhhh

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*when u at the end of the road
*and u lost all sense of controkl
*and u thoughts have taken their tow
*when yr mind breaks the spirit of yr sould\
*yr faith walks on broken glas
*and the hangover doesnt last
*nothings ever buiid to last yr in ruins
*1 21 guns
*lay down yr hands
*give up the fight
*1 21 guns
*throw up yr hands into the sky
*u and i
*ahhhhhh ahhhhhhhh

WENYI ♥ says:
*aahhh?
* - -

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*did u try to live on yr own
*when u burn down the house alone
*did u stand too close to the fire
*that the ????? looking for forgiveness from the starss
**JENG JENG JNEEEEGGGGGGGG
**GUITAR SOLO*
**fingers rest

WENYI ♥ says:
*lai liao lai liao..
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*when its time to live and let die
*and u cant get another try
*something inside ????
*yr in ruins
*1 2 3 4
*1 21 guns
*lay down yr hands
*give up the fight
*1
*21
*guns
*throw up yr hands into the sky
*1 21 guns
*lay down yr hands give up the fight
*1 21 guns
*throw up yr hands into the sky
*u and I
*ahhhhhh ahhhhh whooo
*done

WENYI ♥ says:
*finish you!
*LOL
*cool~
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*305 checking in for remix
*hahahaha
*???????????
*1 2 3 4
*uno
*I know u want me
*u know I want cha
*I know u want me
*U know I want cha
*I know U want me
*U know I want cha
*rumba see
*lo
*lol
*?????????????
*umdi yahoo gaaahh
**rap too fast*
*I know u want me
*u know I want cha
*I knw u want me
*U knw I want cha
*I knw u want me
*U know i want cha
WENYI ♥ says:
*itu got french geh wohh
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*1 2 3 4
*rummba see
*itu suruh rumba goohh
*??????
*umdeh yahooo gahaaahh

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
**rap*
*I know u want me
*U knwo i want cha
*I know u wnat me
*u know I want cha
*1 2 3 4
*UNO TROS GRES GUAT
*Rumbahh see
*??????????
*umdeh yahoo ghhaaaahh
*baby???????? I got cribs I got condos we can stay
*baby I dont care what they say
*I knw u want me

WENYI ♥ says:
*yerr.. dun dis song lah.. song ni sot geh
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*hey
*hey
*hey
*uuuohhhhh
*ohhhhhh
*ooohhhhhh
*ooohhhh
*I know they wanna come and sepereate us
*but they cant do us nothing
*lol
*AKON TOO FAST
*WO YAU JIAN CHI DAU LI ????????
*LIANG GE XIN YUE ???????
*lol

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*bloody pin yin

WENYI ♥ says:
*chinese!
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*mei ren hui dong
*shi wo men de mong
*I dont care what they say
*I wanna be with u
*wo bu ??

*I gonna be with u
*gonna be with u
*seems lik everyday harder
*wo chi dau ????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????????
*keepin it always true
*and no one know
*why I into u
*shoes
*mei ren hui dong she wo men de mong
*yeaahhheehhh

WENYI ♥ says:
*lol.. too fast lahh

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*and I DONT CARE WHAT THEY SAY
*i gonna be with u
*gona be with u
*wo bu zhe me shou
*I gonan be with u
*gonna be with u
*u are everything
*in my life see the joy u bring
*no matter hwta
*that's what I..
*be in my life with me
*queen b
*miami
*nyc
*club blimb
*anually
*security
*worry b
*another g
*shit gets hot u cool me
*hotter than a super ride
*LOL

WENYI ♥ says:
*lols!
*not shit lahh ==
Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*wilber pan rap too fast
*shit lah

WENYI ♥ says:
*is it lahh

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*they censored it

WENYI ♥ says:
*not shit lah
*LOLS

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*see
*I lost type already
*aduh
*RADIO KILLAAA KILAAA
*ohhhhhh ohhhhh eehhh
*ehh ehh ellaa
*I like girls

WENYI ♥ says:
*0.0 cookie jar

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*they like me
*they look so good
*in them 7 jeans
*u could be my one and my only
*I wnan be faithful but keep my hands off the cookie jar
*mh hands x9
*u see I got this problem
*URRGGHH RAP AGAIN
*find em
*closet
*chocolate
*my girl be setting boobee trap
*throught with that
*give up
*fingers crying

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*wait

WENYI ♥ says:
*why u kip choosing got rap geh =x

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*jai ho!!!
*wah thsi girl gila
*jai ho!!!
*jai hoo!!!
*I got fever running like a fire
*jai ho!!!
*Jai hooo
*JAAAAAAAAAAI HOOOOOOOOOOOO
*JAII HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*jai hooooooooooooooooooooooooo
*JAI HO!!!!!
*JAAAAAAAAAAI HOOOOO
*JAAIII HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

WENYI ♥ says:
*why u kipp JAIIIII HOOOOOOO

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*JAAI HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
* JAAI HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*CATCH ME X7
*I will follow
*JAI HO!!!
*Escpe
*away
*I take u to a place
*jai ho@!@!@
*jai hoo!!!
*i can feel u rushing to my veins
*ocens in my heart
*keep in coming
*jai hoooooooooooooo
*JAAII HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*JAAI HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*JAAUI HOOOOOOOOOO

WENYI ♥ says:
*- - ''

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*JAAI HOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*JAI HOOOOOOOOOOOOOO
*JAI HOOOOOOOOOO
*SO COME AND DANCE WITH ME
*JAIII HOOOOOOOO
*CATCH ME X9
*save me
*yrs forever
*I will follow
*JAI HOOO
*yayayayahheeeyy
*yayayayayyayayaheeyyyyyyyyyyy
*I need u
*gonna make it
*I'm ready so take it
*JAI HOOOOOOO
*JAI HOOOOOOO
* JAI HOOOOOOO
*JAI HOOOOOOOOO
*JAI HOOOOOOOOO
*JAI HOO

WENYI ♥ says:
**daniel sot jor*

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*stop us
*btween us
*dane with me
*jai hoooooo
*fire fire
*jai hooooo
*gfire fire
*fire fire
*jai hooooooo

WENYI ♥ says:
**daniel's fingers is bleeding*
*JAIIIIII HOOOOOOO~

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*i make them good girls go bad
*go girls go bad
*baf
*8bad
*bad
*bad

WENYI ♥ says:
*- -

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*bad
*i knwo u dadays little fitrl\take a bite
*let me shake up yr world
*YYYRURURUPAJH/DOGQ/

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*can post at blog?

WENYI ♥ says:
*can..

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*u ahnging at yr corner qith 5 mins firends
*good girls go bad
*go bsd
*bd
*bad
*bad
*bad
*bad

WENYI ♥ says:
*i dah print screen tim =x

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*LOL

WENYI ♥ says:
*haha

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*girl let me touch u like a ???
*I wanna show u I a gentleman

WENYI ♥ says:
*- - lols

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*excuse me little mama
*I wanna be on u
*on u
*I wana be on u
*on u
*if u dont like that
*send it right back
*I just gotta say
*stupid ne yo
*nak repeat lagi
*I wana be on u

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOL

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*ahhh
*this song
*yr on the phone
*gf is upste

WENYI ♥ says:
*toot.

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*she doesnt get ur humur like i do
*I in the room tyupical night
*she doesnt like shell never like yr sroy like I do
*she wear shorts skirtr
*t shirt
**wait
*if u can see ......give up
*taylor swift also damn fast

WENYI ♥ says:
*haha

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*she dulan kanye west
*nak sing fast
*hoi sei ngo

WENYI ♥ says:
*u choose all song cepat cepat geh
*she got dulan kanye huh?

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*twinkle twinkle little star

WENYI ♥ says:
*- -

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*how I wonder what u are
*up above the world so high
*like a diamond in the sky
*twinkle twinkle little star
*how I wonder what you are.

WENYI ♥ says:
*LOLS

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*print screen I listen twinkle little star

WENYI ♥ says:
*lols.
*kay

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*I'm bad
*I'm bad

WENYI ♥ says:
*dim jor LOL

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*yeah yeah bad
*U KNOW I'M BAD
*I'M BAD
*WHOOOOOO
*SHAKAMOONAH

WENYI ♥ says:
*MJ fast also geh woh

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*aiya
*forget it

WENYI ♥ says:
*ur fingers can throw away jor.

Daniel (maccaroniboy.blogspot.com) - says:
*hahah new one needed

Coming Out of the Closet

As manager of Kent Learns To Rock (KLTR), I'm deeply disappointed about the pictures of Kent and his gay partner being posted on his blog, and also this is a shock to his fans. It actually gives the band a huge boost ahead of the tour, since its a trend that celebrities announce that they are 'coming out of the closet' through their official blogs and website.

As manager of Kent Learns To Rock, I will respect his decision (Kent) to lead a homosexual lifestyle and wish him the best with his partney

Leslie : Actually hor, I suspected him being gay loh. Everytime in the car sure give me that gayish eye contact. Makes me feel so uneasy lah. But I as the second guitarist of the band, and also one of his heng dais respect his decision into leading this lifestyle. Good luck Kent!!

MJ Jun : I knew it!!! I knew he was gay lah!! Whenever I was practicing smashing guitars, he told me countless of times that he finds it sexy and turns him on. I knew it lah!!! Anyway, I wish him the best with his partner and make beautiful babies

Daniel : MJ Jun, guy and guy cannot produce babies lah. Both sperms clash together, tak jadi lah. Only sperm and egg baru boleh.

MJ Jun : Ohhh...anyway wish you 2 the best lah.

Wa-Der : Kent gay meh?! Oh my God, all the while he was staring at me when I eat. I thought he looking and leng lui behind wei. Diu loh.......am I that leng zhai ah? Anyway, like Leslie and MJ Jun, I also wish him the best lah.

(* ALL THESE ARE FALSE AND MADE UP DUE TO CREATIVITY)

Kent Learns to Rock

(Explicit blog post, read with caution :] )

Ok guys, as we all know ( some of us know ) Micheal Learns to Rock learnt that they can't Rock in Malaysia because some group of crazy ass people in PAS say that their concert is clashing with the holy month of the Muslim fasting and as we all know, by the time they play on stage, already break fast lah pak cik!!!

Sigh.....anyway, Kent and I (well, it starts with Kent first) no no no, we're not getting married. Chill, I love a pussy, not cocks!!! Anyway, we got this brilliant idea of forming a band, a tribute to Michael Learns to Rock (MLTR)

Its called.......


KENT LEARNS TO ROCK (KENT BELAJAR UNTUK BATU)

Yeah baby, it sounds money to me. Ohhh I sense cash flowing like fountain to me. Ohh yeah baby!!!

*Ahem* Ok, Kent Learns to Rock consist of......


Kent, lead singer, swinger, shags like Austin Power, everything he sings, gotta do with S-E-X. And he calls his car the Kentmobile.....you get the point. Camwhore is his second favourite pass time after writing songs about sex. So ladies, expect to see alot of self shots of Kent in his band's website and his blog, which is obviously stated in this picture of him, lying on a class table, giving that seducing look, begging you to fuck him for 25 minutes. : )


Next up is self-proclaim guitar god Mun Jin a.k.a Guitar Geek. Yeah, he makes van Halen rocks the guitar like a girl, owns Axel and of course, masters Guitar Geek on Facebook effortlessly. Known to have the most number of Les Paul guitars smashed on stage, and at home too. Prefers sleeping at night, and of course, waking up late. Sorry ladies, he's taken. Don't worry, because coming up next, we have...


Leslie, the face lives up to his name. Dashing, good looking, a dream look for any ah sam, auntie, old women, little girls and so. He can be second guitarist, playing classic guitar or maybe the banjo. Haha, cute rite? Banjo.......pussy instrument. Can you imagine that? Ok nevermind ladies, Leslie is not taken, so you can drool all night long infront of your computer screen, or fantasize slutty dreams of him and you. With his dashing looks, we'll depend on his face to sell album covers.


And here's Wa-Der. Erm, don't know much about him. I just sign him on the spot in a mamak, eating roti canai and drinking teh tarik at Cheras. Being a bum, fired from a telesales job, house and car got taken away from Maybank, I decided to sign him because of his looks also. Oh no lah, he'll be the drummer for the band. The way he rocks with the drum, macam in the bed with a chick, rock steady with the right beat and tempo. Yeah.

Oh right, sorry. Since when I have the ability to sign people?


Introducing Daniel, yeah that's me. Dashing, good looking, multi-talented, ladies man, big fat bank account *vomit*. Manager of Kent Learns to Rock, also the 'mother figure' to the boys. Yes people, I cook breakfast for them, prepare their schedule, send them to radio stations to do promotion and interviews, make sure they sleep in bed on time, make sure they are AIDS-free, and also make sure they don't get into trouble (really, deserved to be mother of the year, also wants a nominee for a Grammy for best manager for a recording group/ artiste next year).

Ok people, Kent Learns to Rock will be releasing a CD, entitled "I Really Wanna Touch You There" with cover songs lyrics sexually changed including timeless hits like.

25 Minutes to Fuck (25 Minutes)
Breaking My Cock (Breaking My Heart)
I Wanna Fuck (I Wanna Dance)
Let's Book a Hotel Room ( Let's Build a Room)
You Want More Sex (You Want More)
Ocean of Girls (Ocean of Love)
Everything I Fuck (Everything I Planned)
A Different Sex Position (A Different Song)
I Really Wanna Touch You There (Can I Touch You There, Michael Bolton cover)
And so much more

And it all cost RM 29.90. C'mon lah, support Malaysia artist lah.

Anyway, we'll be starting our nationwide tour, starting from Chow Kit, then to Petaling street, then slowly building reputation by playing at Bukit Bintang to passersby, then to Bangsar pubs, then who knows.....WORLD DOMINATION!!!

I'm planning to use my Honda City first to drive around the band, then when money comes, we'll buy a school bus. And as more money comes, we'll be rollin' in a tour bus. BIG TIME!!!

Transfarmers : Revenge of the Famine

I have a new movie idea, and I want Michael Bay to be directing it.

Its called........

TRANSFARMERS : REVENGE OF THE FAMINE

Sounds familiar? It better be.

The stars will be.....Bumblebee, Optimus Prime, Iron Hide, and the rest. Megan Fox can be the hot farmer''s wife, Shia LaBeouf can be Sam the farmer.

It starts like this

Synopsis :
Sam, Mikaela are making ends meet as farmers in Kedah. Yes, Kedah Malaysia. Now with them are the Autobots to help them produce rice and plants and fruits and so on. Now, Megatron and his army owns this building company called Decepticon Buildings Sdn. Bhd. Megatron and buddies planned to build a shopping complex in the middle of a town in Kedah, but Sam's land is blocking their plan to earn big bucks in this project. So, Megatron again with his usual up to no good tricks, decides to unleash a dangerous rain of famine-causing liquid that destroys Sam's plants.

Sam and Mikaela decided to lodge a report to FELDA (Federal Land Development Authority) but failed because FELDA ignored their report and thought the whole famine-causing rain that Megatron will unleash to them for refusing to make way for his development story is total bullshit. So, again a war between farmers and building developers.

So one night, Megatron, Starscream, Barricade, Grindor decided to plan a surprise attack on Sam's land, destroying every grape, rice, mango, papaya, banana, cucumber, pineapple, carrot and every single plant in Sam's land. But Sam and gang were well prepared and launched a counter attack on Megatron's army.

Eventually, all of Sam's plants are destroyed after the battle, Megatron and co. were charged by FELDA for violating the trespassing into private land and destroying private plants and property. Therefore, both sides lost, and the whole Kedah state was left starve to death because the only land that produces food was Sam's land.

To survive, Mikaela had to become ayam and Sam had to become a gigolo.

Erm...the end?

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Ok ok, I'm so hyper gila happy wei guys!!! A month ago I was all emo by cursing the Kancil for screwing my test up. Ok ok, now different story wei. I finally passed the test.

Some fella told me, forgot who's that fella. You must be one with the car, and show love to the car.
Yeah......show some lurve towards a man-made machine? And a Kancil?

So yesterday, I went for another 3 hours of driving lesson again. Yeah, I'm used to the manual transmission. And to you guys who hates manual transmission, you'll love it in the end. Trust me, shifting gears can never be so damn fun. Its this close to have that Initial D feeling, only that you can't drift with such a small car on a third-world mentality driver owned road. :)

So for yesterday's lesson, I spent 80% on memorizing the engine noise when revving at the yellow line on the slope task. So can you imagine, while driving back to the slope, I was hymning the engine noise.

"Rrrruummmmmmmmmmmm..........." in my mind. :)

I did managed to practice side parking. Oh, another fun thing to do. My formula.

1) Drive straight, keep close to the left, not too close mind you.
2) Look behind, and look at the first pole. Make sure its visible on your right side of the rear window.
3) Shift to reverse gear, turn steering wheel one and a half on left.
4) Reverse, look at your right side mirror. Stop when rear right tyre ngam ngam touch yellow line.
5) Then, full right steering wheel turn, reverse. Look out your window, and make sure front right tyre in yellow box.
6) Full left steering wheel turn, shift first gear and SLOWLY go front.
7) Straighten your tyres, wind down your window, raise your hand to signal to JPJ officer that you're done.

Ok, now to get out of the yellow box....

1) Full left steering wheel turn, reverse
2) Full right steering wheel turn, first gear SLOWLY go out.
3) Rejoice, and be happy.

Now for 3 point turn....
1) Go front, second pole turn right. Stop before yellow line.
2) Full left steering wheel turn, reverse. Make sure tyre don't kena yellow line.
3) Full right steering wheel turn, first gear. Take your time and go out. Watch out for cars
4) Rejoice and be glad that you won't need to deal with these crappy Kancils anymore

Ok, the Kancils preapred by the JPJ is all in shit condition. No, there isn't a single Kancil that is in perfect condition. The Kancil I had for today's test, I was lucky that the clutch was waaaay better than the last time.

I rushed back from school, nervous. Oh yeah, thanks guys for the wishes. Josh, you know I was so darn nervous lah. Santosh, I knew you have been praying for me. Haha....yeah.

For those who failed the first time, second time test will be at 2 p.m. We were all required to wait in a room. And I was one of the 2 Chinese boys in the room, but the only boy retrying the 3 tasks. Yikes........

Ok, I was listed the first to go. And something embarassing and funny happened to me. I started the engine, ok......but I didn't realized that I was in free-gear mode. So I released the clutch. The car moved, but it was so darn slow. The JPJ officers, one sitting at the side parking zone and one at the uphill zone was wondering what on Earth was I doing? Oh yeah, both were female officers.

Go up, tiba tiba car no power, reverse. That time my mind was like...

"WHAT THE F LAH DANIEL?!!! YOU CAN'T FAIL LAH. YOU HAVE TO FETCH ALOT OF FAT PEOPLE BACK HOME, YOU PROMISED ME YOU'LL BLAST MUSIC OUT FROM CAR!! YOU'RE SUPPOSE TO DRIVE YOUR PARENTS TO CHURCH!! ARRRGGHHHHH!!!"

I was so close to being in tears. The one that sat at the side parking zone went to me, told me this....

"Adik, lu dalam free gear lah. Masuk gear satu dulu."

HO MY GOSH!!! Lucky bastard lah me. Lucky, so darn lucky lah me. I got second chance. Ok, stop at the yellow line. Just a moment later, the lady ask me to move on.

Ok, this is it.......the moment I can't screw up. Handbrake, release brake. Release clutch until car vibrated, check. Foot on pedal, floor it until moans, check. 3,2,1........release handbrake and clutch.

And for all I know......I was zooming off. I couldn't care less about the Kancil's welfare. I pass.

Side parking, easy. Not to sound cocky, but if you treat it like you're playing the rubic cube with the right formula, its a piece of cake.

After doing all the side parking formulas and raising my hand, I knew that the P license is mine already. I rewarded myself with a slow, relaxing 3 point turn. Parked the car near the other Kancils. Signed the form, LULUS.

LULUS. This one Bahasa Malaysia word, LULUS makes me happy already. I felt like kissing the JPJ officer.

While running back to the car to turn off the engine, I nearly lost my L license and my IC. It fell off while being clipped onto the form. Thank God for that fat but friendly JPJ officer who told me that my IC and L licence is on the road, literally. Haha, thanks tuan!!

Got my form signed by the officers, chopped and done. Now, have to wait for 4 days for my licence. Tuesday, come to me fast!!!!!!