Saturday, September 5, 2009

Kent Learns to Rock

(Explicit blog post, read with caution :] )

Ok guys, as we all know ( some of us know ) Micheal Learns to Rock learnt that they can't Rock in Malaysia because some group of crazy ass people in PAS say that their concert is clashing with the holy month of the Muslim fasting and as we all know, by the time they play on stage, already break fast lah pak cik!!!

Sigh.....anyway, Kent and I (well, it starts with Kent first) no no no, we're not getting married. Chill, I love a pussy, not cocks!!! Anyway, we got this brilliant idea of forming a band, a tribute to Michael Learns to Rock (MLTR)

Its called.......


Yeah baby, it sounds money to me. Ohhh I sense cash flowing like fountain to me. Ohh yeah baby!!!

*Ahem* Ok, Kent Learns to Rock consist of......

Kent, lead singer, swinger, shags like Austin Power, everything he sings, gotta do with S-E-X. And he calls his car the get the point. Camwhore is his second favourite pass time after writing songs about sex. So ladies, expect to see alot of self shots of Kent in his band's website and his blog, which is obviously stated in this picture of him, lying on a class table, giving that seducing look, begging you to fuck him for 25 minutes. : )

Next up is self-proclaim guitar god Mun Jin a.k.a Guitar Geek. Yeah, he makes van Halen rocks the guitar like a girl, owns Axel and of course, masters Guitar Geek on Facebook effortlessly. Known to have the most number of Les Paul guitars smashed on stage, and at home too. Prefers sleeping at night, and of course, waking up late. Sorry ladies, he's taken. Don't worry, because coming up next, we have...

Leslie, the face lives up to his name. Dashing, good looking, a dream look for any ah sam, auntie, old women, little girls and so. He can be second guitarist, playing classic guitar or maybe the banjo. Haha, cute rite? Banjo.......pussy instrument. Can you imagine that? Ok nevermind ladies, Leslie is not taken, so you can drool all night long infront of your computer screen, or fantasize slutty dreams of him and you. With his dashing looks, we'll depend on his face to sell album covers.

And here's Wa-Der. Erm, don't know much about him. I just sign him on the spot in a mamak, eating roti canai and drinking teh tarik at Cheras. Being a bum, fired from a telesales job, house and car got taken away from Maybank, I decided to sign him because of his looks also. Oh no lah, he'll be the drummer for the band. The way he rocks with the drum, macam in the bed with a chick, rock steady with the right beat and tempo. Yeah.

Oh right, sorry. Since when I have the ability to sign people?

Introducing Daniel, yeah that's me. Dashing, good looking, multi-talented, ladies man, big fat bank account *vomit*. Manager of Kent Learns to Rock, also the 'mother figure' to the boys. Yes people, I cook breakfast for them, prepare their schedule, send them to radio stations to do promotion and interviews, make sure they sleep in bed on time, make sure they are AIDS-free, and also make sure they don't get into trouble (really, deserved to be mother of the year, also wants a nominee for a Grammy for best manager for a recording group/ artiste next year).

Ok people, Kent Learns to Rock will be releasing a CD, entitled "I Really Wanna Touch You There" with cover songs lyrics sexually changed including timeless hits like.

25 Minutes to Fuck (25 Minutes)
Breaking My Cock (Breaking My Heart)
I Wanna Fuck (I Wanna Dance)
Let's Book a Hotel Room ( Let's Build a Room)
You Want More Sex (You Want More)
Ocean of Girls (Ocean of Love)
Everything I Fuck (Everything I Planned)
A Different Sex Position
(A Different Song)
I Really Wanna Touch You There (Can I Touch You There, Michael Bolton cover)
And so much more

And it all cost RM 29.90. C'mon lah, support Malaysia artist lah.

Anyway, we'll be starting our nationwide tour, starting from Chow Kit, then to Petaling street, then slowly building reputation by playing at Bukit Bintang to passersby, then to Bangsar pubs, then who knows.....WORLD DOMINATION!!!

I'm planning to use my Honda City first to drive around the band, then when money comes, we'll buy a school bus. And as more money comes, we'll be rollin' in a tour bus. BIG TIME!!!

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